Not known at this address

MONDAY:

"Dear Willie Walsh,

"Please find enclosed the new 'Jesus Jokebook' that was delivered to me by mistake. I'm sorry I opened the envelope, but I was expecting a Dungeons & Dragons rulebook in the post and the hardback copy felt like it through the padding. I note someone has penciled in 'This is a good one' in a couple of spots in the margin. Just to let you know it was like that already when I opened it, okay?

"Sincerely,
"Willie Walsh."

TUESDAY:

"Dear Willie Walsh,

"I have sent you this Dungeons & Dragons book that came to British Airways. We do not think it is for me and when we looked you up on the Internet we didn't think it was meant for the Bishop of Killaloe either.

"Yours,
"Willie Walsh."

WEDNESDAY:

"Dear Willie Walsh,

"Thank you for sending on the joke book. Its author, Des McHale, will be named as a blackguard from the altar in all Sunday Masses on 23rd September. This wouldn't have been possible if the book had been lost, as the copy was annotated in the margins by His Holiness so I am most grateful to you for sending it on.

"Sincerely,
"Willie Walsh."

THURSDAY:

"Dear Willie Walsh,

"I'm glad you sent the Dungeons & Dragons book because I was worried it might have gone to the Bishop of Killaloe by mistake. I wouldn't like to end up like poor old Des McHale after his 'Jesus Jokebook' was on the Joe Duffy radio programme.

"By the way, I received an email from a Mr. McGonnagle, from County Meath, who was upset that you charged him and his wife an excess on their luggage at London Heathrow last week. I took the liberty of telling them their next flight on BA would be free to anywhere in the world and just to say that I had said it was okay when they checked in.

"Best Wishes,
"Willie Walsh."

FRIDAY:

"Dear Willie Walsh,

"The Pope wants to know if you have any plans to do anything serious against the 'McHale fellow'. Sorry the envelope is torn again, but the postman was in a hurry and as I had to sign for it he had piqued my curiosity as to the contents before I realised it was for you. Anyhow, the Pope would like a reply as soon as you can manage it. The rest you can read for yourself.

"Sincerely,
"Willie Walsh."

MONDAY:

"Dear Willie Walsh,

"Sorry, but if the Pope wants a cheap flight he'll have to get in touch directly. Who is Mr McHale, anyway? We don't seem to have him on any passenger manifests over the next few weeks."

"Regards,
"Willie Walsh."

TUESDAY:

"Dear Willie Walsh,

"I have sent an email to Mr McGonnagle granting him a plenary indulgence. It's the best I can do from Killaloe, and even that was touch and go with the state of the dial-up connection here. He replied saying that if he sees the McHale fella at the airport, he'll tell him the Chief Executive is looking for him. I don't know what this means. Is it a reference to one of the Jesus jokes, do you think?

"Sincerely,
"Willie Walsh."

WEDNESDAY:

"Dear Willie Walsh,

"The Pope wanted to know by return what the plan was for the 'Jesus Jokebook.' As the matter was marked 'Urgent', I told him to recommend excommunication for any Catholic that read it. You might drop him a line or an email if there's anything you want to add to that.

"I've also sold about 20% of the shares of British Airways this week and sent €5,000,000 to Mr McGonnagle from Co. Meath. He might be making a donation to the fund for the repairs to the church roof on foot of this.

"By the way, if you receive any writer's guidelines for a Dungeons & Dragons magazine in the next few days, you wouldn't mind putting together 800 words or so, would you? Sure, who could tell the difference anyway?

"Yours Faithfully,
Willie Walsh."