Recipe for Saving Willie's Life

Take one letter from the GP, signed with a discouraging comment: "God love you, now."

Select one large dose of panic as the swelling of the tongue is beginning to obstruct the roof of the mouth and will eventually cut off the airway. Set aside and do not inform Herself just yet of exactly how bad things are.

Proceed at 50 miles per hour to the Accident & Emergency Department walking calmly into the hospital as Herself parks the car.

Patiently explain your change of address details to the clerk at the desk for the official record as the seconds tick by. Repeat the details she can't quite make out. Ignore her complaints of hard to read doctor's handwriting.

Rest quietly, adding the coldest water you can find.

Greet Triage Nurse and explain problem. Return to resting quietly. Add more cold water.

Shake hands with A&E doctor. Explain problem. Understand the Ear Nose & Throat specialist on duty is based at another hospital and has to travel. Worry for 15 minutes.

Shake hands with ENT doctor. Agree with absolutely no reluctance that he should begin using a sharp blade to incise a foothold for a probe in the bottom of your open mouth. Weep slightly from right eye as syringe begins extracting fluid from behind the blockage.

Feel relief while A&E doctor asks if anaesthetic was used. (It wasn't). Grin wanly as A&E doctor looks into open mouth and says "You're a brave man."

Spend three days and two nights in hospital, spitting out stones through your unblocked salivary gland duct as antibiotic drips steadily through a tube into your arm.

Argue with pharmacist that yes, this strength antibiotic tablet *is* appropriate.

Return home.

Rest.