Checklist for building a kitchen cupboard

Go to work. Check.
Go to meeting. Check.
Leave work at 12.30pm. Check.
Visit Veterinary Surgery before 1.00pm. Check.
Wait for bus. Check.
Listen to Thump! as arse hits ground having actually frozen off. Check.
Get home late because of bloody buses. Check.
Visit blogs on PC. Check.
Make tea. Check.
Drink tea and eat slice rhubarb pie. Check.
Chase ginger cat out of garden with broom. Check.
Spend 15 minutes in bathroom. Check.
Say Hello to cat in bedroom. Check.
Change out of work clothes. Check.
Bang head on staircase looking for boots. Check.
Open flatpack and follow instructions. Check.

Easy.

Counterweight

I have discovered, tonight, where the speed skaters at the Winter Olympics first thought up their technique. We moved our television further into the corner so that all could see and hear it better. The trouble is, I now have to unplug it at night left-handed. And as a new CD rack is just a little bit in the way, it involves a kind of manoeuvre designed to counter-balance my beer belly while reaching forward and not falling face-first into a heap of wires. I knew I'd seen the technique someplace before. I was thinking this tonight as I bent my legs and stuck my arse out far behind me. I think I'll get one of their safety helmets. But not the suits.