Male Brain

He: "Did you see Mrs Greene's son got married? The picture is in The Echo."
She: "Who?"
He: "Mrs Greene. Years ago. The nice lady used to come in for a small drinkie to the pub when we were going out first."
She: "Don't remember."
He: "Yes you do. Big family. I used to know her sons. The second eldest just got married."
She: "Is that the picture with the v-neckline and the confrabaliddle sleeve detail on the cuff over the white-you-may-call-it bustle-a-bob?"
He: "Huh...?"

*****

He: "Went to a wedding on Saturday."

Lots of She workmates: "What was the dress like?"

He: "Em. White...?"

*****

He: "So Claire had a baby boy."

She: "That's nice. What weight was it?"

He: "Urrm..."

*****

He: "Grocery shopping? No problem. What do we need?"

She: "I have a list made."

He: "Okay. If I have to look like a man sent out with a list I shall."

She: "It's a list of all the things we don't need."

He: "Eh.....???"

*****

He: "Shoes? Shop right over here."

She: "No good. Too expensive."

He: "Okay. Another shop over here."

She: "No good. Not as good a variety as the first shop."

He: "But the first one is too expensive."

She: "So...?"

*****

She: "I still don't understand the offside trap."

He: "Easy. If the porcelain cat gets in behind the CD rack before I kick him the cat toy he's offside."

She: "Oh I finally understand! Hang on. No I don't."

*****

She: "Who's that?"

He: "Frodo."

She: "I thought he was Bilbo."

He: "No that's his uncle. He gave him the ring, remember?"

She: "Oh yes. I remember. Sorry..."

She: "Who is that?"

He: "Saruman the White."

She: "You mean Sauron?"

He: "No Saruman. Gandalf's boss."

She: "Gandalf has a boss?"

He: "Yes."

She: "Gollem is a hobbit?"

He: "Yes. He was a hobbit a long time ago."

She: "He doesn't look like a hobbit."

He: "No. He's very old and the ring has corrupted him."

She: "What ring?"

She: "You hate me don't you?"

He: "No. I love you."

She: "How much."

He: "T-h-i-s much."

She: "Am I ruining the movie for you?"

He: "No. That's what they invented Pause buttons for."

She: "Who's that...?"

*****

George Best £5 Note for only £10

Enterprising eBay sellers are already offering specimens of the George Best commerative £5 note for only £10, including postage and packing.

Now that's Capitalism!
Pic shows George's father, Dickie Best, at the recent press conference held by Ulster Bank.

Edit: The five-pound George Best notes will be available from mid-November coinciding with the first anniversary of his death. Application forms will be available from Ulster Bank branches in Northern Ireland & Republic of Ireland or on-line at www.georgebestfive.com or www.georgebestfive.co.uk from 13 November. The commemorative notes will then be available to purchase at any Ulster Bank branch in Northern Ireland from the 27 November.. More information at the Ulster Bank website at this link.

Buses, rain, and a red-haired girl with umbrella.

So, waiting once again for a 49 or a 75 on Thursday evening, I was standing near the relative shelter of... a bus shelter... on Level 3 of The Square in Tallaght, watching the rain going by from inside the relative rainproofing of my hood. Whenever something else went by that I wanted to look at, my head revolved inside the unmoving nylon such that one of the lenses of my spectacles disappeared momentarily. People had the impression, no doubt, of a one-eyed figure peering out from a cowl, or, if I had only an antenna to stick on top, of an irate Bender robot from the Futurama cartoon glaring out at them.

The arrival of several buses that dropped off passengers then rolled up their "Out of Service" sign did nothing to add to my humour. Then a red-haired girl arrived to join the maddening crowd. And as red-haired girls generally increase my good humour, I thought that things were looking up. She had a maroon-coloured umbrella and she stood to about my shoulder height. This, unfortunately, had the effect such that the wind-blown rain skidded right off the top of the umbrella and sprayed me directly in the face. Not deliberately, I'm sure. Just my late mother having fun at my expense.

There was comment on talk radio on Friday morning about the quantity of the extraordinary traffic on the roads of Dublin on Thursday evening. I don't know what the problem was other than rain, but I know I left my job at 5.30pm and didn't arrive home (a potential 45-minute walk if the rain wasn't skidding along horizontally at 30 miles per hour) until 7.45pm.

Bite my shiny metal ass indeed.