Things to fall over on your doormat

There are 170 unread email messages in my inbox this evening; another 135 filtered into Junk Mail, and 106 more in the Deleted Items folder.

By comparsion to this unending deluge of electronic crap, it's almost a relief to fall over five items of real junk mail on the doormat.

Tonight, in no particular order, I have been invited by leaflet drop to:

1) Sell my house with the best agent, for the best price, and with the best deal on fees;

2) Install customised iron gates, security grills on the windows and doors, steel doors or security barriers. I might also like to opt for that iron gate being made automatic.

3) Call a local Chinese restaurant which is offering me four telephone lines to contact them upon and 179 menu items, with Take Out Service and reheatable microwavable containers.

4) Hire a landscape gardener who will weed, plant, fence, flag, wash, or slab my garden. He will also lop, prune, shape, or remove my tree, poison the roots and grind them. And if my hedge feels left out, he'll prune or trim it as well.

5) Get Dancercise in my area. Where I couldn't Cha Cha, Samba, Rhumba, Jive, Salsa, Waltz or Tango, or for that matter Latin line dance, I can look forward to doing all of these and more if I'm so inclined.

So I think I'll select the iron gates, security grills and doors first, then get the garden trimmed, lopped, poisoned and ground down, before I'll put the house up for sale. While I'm waiting for that to go through, I think I'll order a Number 172 and to work it off I'll do a little Waltz to the Dancercise class.

That reminds me. I must get onto the Council again and find out what happened to our request for another waste-paper recycling bin.